Sunday, November 14, 2010

You are my KING

Day in day out, I marvel at your awesomeness Lord. Time and time again, I weep thanking you for the things you have done in my life and continue to do. Every single day, my story has always and continually been about one favor or the other. I have lived and continue to live every single minute to witness what it’s ever like to know this God. I wonder and always have been in constant consternation what makes you love me this much. I do countless self reflections DAILY and I still never can understand what makes u love me so much. I am an undeserving servant. I never read the bible nor do I ever pray.

I have deserted your church like a stray sheep and have forgotten what it means to tithe but still, I look at my life and all I can say each day, each minute, each second is Thank you Lord.

Thinking about your faithfulness gets me to tears always. Either I am driving or walking, u are always there. So many times when my back was against the wall and all I knew was a dark streak, somehow there u were, lurking somewhere in the shadows, showing up at the right time. So many times my tribulations would have overwhelmed me. So many times I would sit and cry like a baby but you were always there. I never ever know just how to praise you or say thank you for where I am right now.

I know my beginnings. I know where I am right now and I certainly know that I would never ever have gotten to this point without u. I look at my life, how you love me so much so, how you protect me and protect my own, how u constantly get me out of trouble and keep me away from the fowlers nest and I continue, always continue to praise you.

Lord, I am grateful. Lord I am grateful. Lord I am grateful. My words aren’t enough to express just how I feel. My words aren’t enough to tell of your blessings in my life. I could forever sing on, praise on, pray on and it would never suffice for your faithfulness in my life. I have come like a humble servant to tell of your faithful deeds towards me which are limitless. I will forever be thankful to this God who has never looked down on me nor sent me away with my cloth of filth from his presence. I will forever be grateful to this God who has accepted me for me and my shortcomings, who has not despised me nor made meat of my flesh to the enemies.

Till the day I breathe my last, this life would be for you. Till the day I die, this life will serve you now and forever because you are a true and just God whose faithfulness transcends every generation, race, color or creed..How I love you so …You are my KING.

Monday, October 25, 2010

The pain of rejection

These days its really hard to trust anyone, for u to commit ur heart to someone or something without coming down with one hurt or the other. Being nice isn't buyin the way to peoples heart anymo..just lies, lies and more lies wins the day. Oh she forever went on, on her many donts, her many rebuttals.., should have known that the heart of man is so deep, deep enough for the ordinary eyes to fanthom.

I am secretely hurt! why u ask?! I hate deceitful people. People who can't stand by their words. Permit my ranting. I see u and my heart bleeds, even tho I nursed a secret crush on u but I gave up the minute u slept with him. It felt like a dagger struck tru my heart as he related everything he did with u.
U were that woman I took time out to listen to. It hurts to know u wanted him more. It hurts to know that after all said and done, u gave urself to him willingly. No questions asked. I guess such is life but want u to know my heart is deeply wounded becos u ate your words and decided to choose him over me!

Monday, July 26, 2010

Memoirs from the past!

It’s so hard when you love and lose someone you so desperately wanted to share a life with..Woke up with thoughts of you this morning...and this has been a recurrent thing for the past days, weeks and months..Don’t know what this portends as I try to search myself day in day out if I truly really do loved you while we were together.

I loved you like I never loved any. I protected you the best I could that it almost became an obsession for me. I just wanted us to be happy. I just wanted to give everything within me to you, to show you how much you were worth it all but guess I couldn’t cut it..Guess you were made to belong to another man till the gourd got broken and the chips never made a whole again.

From the depths of my heart, I still love you. No one would believe this cuz they would evidently think am nuts or going berserk but truth is I still love you and even though it’s been months we spoke or seen, you still live in my heart every day.
I’m most certain that someday, if we're meant to be together, you will get to read this and both of us will shed a tear together and if we still aren’t meant for each other, want you to always know that I truly cherished you. I admit I shoulda done things so differently but love is like life where we learn every day.

I have never claimed to know it all, all I have ever wanted was peace and love from my woman and that was all I strove for while we were together..

I still love you and I always will

My Torn Heart

Really I don’t know what’s come over me. I can’t tell what’s happening to me anymore. It just doesn’t seem to me like I know myself anymore. What is this happening to me..Why should I in heavens name be missing her? Why should I ever be here sitting, thinking and moaning over someone who I sold my heart out to but who paid me back with pain. Why in heavens should I be here sparing a thought for you...Why...what is going wrong with me Lord...or do I need to have my head examined cuz I can’t understand myself anymore or the reason for doing all this..Why oh why Lord..Lord please help me..

This cross is becoming too heavy, way more than I can handle..This is way killing me ..This is killing me to say the least..Why wouldn’t you just let this feeling go away..Why wouldn’t you just let me be and live my life on..She’s somewhere right now not giving a damn about what am thinking here and here I am moaning..Almost thinking about you every second of the day..Lord..What’s happening to me..Lord what’s happening to me...

Cliff hanger!

Life is like a roller coaster, one minute you are happy, and the other sad. Why do people always have to take me for granted thinking am like one switch you press on and off at will, thinking less about how I must feel when they launch their so called heartlessness..I’m sick and tired of it..Im sick of getting on in this game, sick of falling for women who don’t want me, sick of talking for so long and yet have nothing tangible come out of sick of impressing people, doing the best I can yet get nothing other than rejection most times. Why am I sad right now, why do I feel so dejected..What I thought would be just came crumbling..She promised she'd be my friend..Her words brought so much smile to my face but what did I get only few days after she swelled my heart..No i don’t wanna talk to you anymore or have anything to do with you..gurl ..What were you thinking before you got me on auto drive..What were you thinking when you let down your guards intentionally for me..Now my heart is in it and you tell me you don’t want me no more..What!..

Patches of Gloom

when you look in my eyes
what do you see
A face smiling
even as inside am crying
tried as much to conceal
my uncanny thoughts
the unsymphony
of a harpless cord
but hide i must
that no one sees
the hurt i nurse inside


you pulled the rug under my feet
and stripped the only garb
which protected me from harm
you threw caution to the ill wind
when you knew that it blew no good
You had in the open
for all to see my mockery

why should i forgive you
when i hear people scorn
every step i walk past them
you know the taste of bile
know how much it sucks
yet you chose to feed it to me
and now you go mad
when my own pound of flesh
threatens to tear you apart

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Be thankful for everyday you live..(True Life Story)..

She woke up this morning feeling so refreshed
Yesterday she felt so unwell and disillusioned
When asked why the sudden elation
She said I feel so great today,
I can move my hands and my feet aint draggin like yesterday
As if she had a premonition of things to come
All of a sudden whilst having her physical therapy
She slumped and passed out
Helter- skelter everyone ran
From first aid boxes to oxygen tanks
Eyes rolled up and oxygen circulation went from 96 to 89
Felt like forever waiting for 911
Wails echoing through the noisy background
She was resuscitated but could barely speak
Then her heart began to beat so fast
In leaps..
The evil one had come to steal
But she wouldn’t let go
Fighting for her last breath..fighting for life
In a whim, she looked around the entire room
As if to say thank you all
And say her last goodbyes
She made one last look and breathed her last
Our prayers couldn’t take her back

Mortal life..we come, we live and we end it all
A life was stolen in its prime
Leaving a trail of heavy mourners
And a family in utter shock and distress.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

The Again Virgin..

I don’t know if I want to feel the soft touch of intimacy again,

It might burn as before,

Tears I would shed,

And dissolve into a puddle on the ground,

To bury myself in another’s body,

To have that permission,

To give that permission,

To meld with another,

So sweet but so new,


Thursday, June 3, 2010

My heart sees..

An open heart
With hidden views
Neath whitened stars
And birds in blues
Across an ocean
Within a sky
My heart does soar
My soul does fly
Flowers share
Their lives of bloom
With me
For because of me
They have much room
Animals gathered
About me anew
Within my thoughts
Two by two
And as time itself
Stops not for zzzzzzzzz’s
Inside a heart of love
Is what my soul sees...

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

A poem for YOU

'Tis but a color
A faint shade. A hue
A caress of life
'Tis but a bit of blue
'Tis but a sight
Within life's plain
'Tis all for you
Once more again..

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Heal Our Land..

Have you heard the wailing
Have you seen the crying
The gnashing of teeth,
The horror
The grief and devastation
Coming from distant lands
Death with a mortar in hand
Has taken over the land
Like rain, cleansing everything on its path
The old, the young,
Men, women, children
Visitors and citizen
All prey to the chilling hands of Esu
Roaring furiously
Groping for more blood
Of a resilient people
Hard pressed by famine and starvation

Blood spills across the land
Many still trapped under rubbles
Thousands in unconscious state
Some maimed
As men lose their guts
And sense of their strength
Confronted with more than they can bear
Life in this mode,
Can’t be anything but hell..